Retrospect

Whoa, just read through all of this stuff. It's been a long awhile, and my, what a strange trip it's been. Or some other stupid quote that everyone overuses.
I have vague inklings to actually start a blog with some substance and aimed toward an audience rather than flaring up at my own emotional convenience. But, we all know how I do with these intrinsic motivations.
I don't.

BUT, hopeful talking. I may actually start that soon because I have recently deactivated my damn Facebook and need a base to come to on this lovely internet we all so diligently pray to. I mean, besides email. Ya know, a couple years ago, I just could never fathom why the hell people checked their email regularly and responded to shit like real grown-ups... Now I say things like, "oh."

So many "oh"s.

Hate, still
B

Cansada

I like you guys.

Everyone, watch out. I'm having a moment... Where... I'm just content.
I like all the people who have accumulated in my life.
They are all. so. wonderful.
Thanks for being alive, you great people :)

weird.

HATE,
BWIT.

are you happy with your life right now? your friends? your job? your hobbies?

I'm not happy with it right now at all. I only know that everything is going to be okay.
I am happy with my friends, quite happy really. I am lucky to have a decent handful of people that fill every inch of themselves with enough to share a good laugh and lots of adventures with. I'm not happy with my job at all, considering I don't have one. It makes me feel very unproductive and that is a state I'm not okay with... Although I am pretty happy with my hobbies. They all grow and thrive sufficiently enough to keep me satiated with questing for menial knowledge I can clench on my own. Life is okay.

I know you've got something on your mind, ask.

How do you know I've got something on my mind? Do you have mind reading powers? If so, do you use them for good or evil? Or awesome? And would you be willing to share these mind reading powers with a very dear friend?

I know that a majority of the world has got at least a thing or two on their mind. No harm in asking anyway... What are they gonna do, look at my crooked and walk away? It is just some fine-tuned intuition, I guess.
But as for the matter of it being for good or evil, I have no choice. My intuition throws me into situations lending feelings into stuff I'd rather ignore. It is the gray area.
If possible, I'd certainly treat a friend to a good lesson about how my head works... Lets go!

I know you've got something on your mind, ask.

On winning things.

I am beyond incredibly exuberant.
I won best literary submission for one of my fictional stories!
I fucking WON something, for a SKILL.
I AM APPRECIATED.
In this whole mess of life that I subtly nod my head at and partake in a hidden path I decided to throw something out there, and was noticed.
I feel really good.
I feel great.
No one is home and I have been screaming with joy.
I don't know what to do, I still have an hour and a half until class and I can't friggen focus on anything! I did some algebra homework, so thats an accomplishment.
But guys, I'm so happy! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I don't know what to do with all this joy, I fear something is going to come crush me.
My Mondays have been having oddly terrible things happening on them.
SO.
Lets just make today okay and let me enjoy this beautiful moment of MINE.

HATE,
BWIT.

Weird.

So, a couple weeks ago my postie Paul asked me to tell his tape recorder a story.
So I went out to my quiet car and told the little machine about my Mom and my first car, Luhmberg.
The next week he gave me this story back on a CD, I didn't get around to listening to it until last night.
I was feeling really shitty because of dumb-boy-games and realized it was laying on my floor.
So I popped it into the CD player and plugged my headphones in...
I listened to my story, awed at how confused people must be if they heard it and how it didn't seem to carry out the emotion I actually felt of the story.
Then after my story was a slew of random other peoples stories, some cut and sewn together, overlapping each other.
Voices, noises, idle twanging on instruments, short stories, long stories, poems.
I laid and listened to all of it.
Dumbfounded at how comforting it was.
This guy at the post office... What does he do with himself!
What thought inspired him to take these pieces of life and staple them together to form this soundtrack, to give us those little peeps of others personalities and share them.
We are not alone.
He has inspired me to a degree, I'm not sure in what direction yet but it stopped my crying and put me to sleep with a smile on my face.
Thanks Paul.

HATE,
BWIT.